Natural

Let me open with the most important message that I am ever going to give to you. A message I will shout from the rooftops as long as I'm here on this earth. A message that fuels my advocacy and activism and allows for me to leave good intentions and acts of kindness that are really moments of pity or charity in the dust, fallen by the wayside with other outdated and faulty notions. A message that I believe in with every fiber of myself, and that guides my parenting, my relationships, and my being.

Disability is natural.

Down syndrome is natural.

Trisomy 21, or Down syndrome, is a frequently occurring genetic variant, highly viable with life, and something that simply, naturally occurs. Down syndrome is not the other. In a parallel life, you could have Down syndrome. In this very life, you could have very well been born with Down syndrome.

And that wouldn't make you unnatural, challenged, broken, or less than human. You would still be you.

Down syndrome does not need to be fixed or 'normalized'. It needs to be allowed to exist as something that is an acceptable and natural part of some people, our equals in everything, regardless of their perceived capabilities. Meeting milestones, or being highly functional (whatever the hell that means) is not 'winning' at Down syndrome, or at life. Living life, and having equal opportunity for the same experiences as everyone else is what life is all about.

You know, being human. Having rights and responsibilities, and being able to decide what to do with those rights, and whether to honor those responsibilities. And, facing the consequences.

On the 21st it is World Down Syndrome Day. A special day for celebration and awareness. This year there's some weirdness about wearing loud socks to raise awareness. An icebreaker for discussion? In all honesty, I don't really think either of us needs an icebreaker for awareness. We're evolving.

We need to take action.

You might have gleaned from my last post that simple awareness is no longer doing it for me. I know better now. There is a need for acceptance. There is a need for action. A need to level the playing field. To make every single classroom inclusive in spirit and in space. To remove having Down syndrome as a negative in a college or a job applicant, as is being done in the case of race, gender, and sexual orientation. A need to embrace everyone's uniqueness and individuality without there being some who are 'more different' than others. A need to stop using language - and not just the word retard(ed), but suffers from, is inflicted with, a Down syndrome patient, a risk of Trisomy 21, them - that degrades, demeans, marginalizes and dehumanizes those with intellectual disabilities. A need to focus on how exactly Down syndrome and those with Down syndrome are portrayed and represented in the media. Unfair and biased portrayals, as well as fluff pieces that utilize those with I/DDs for inspirational feel-good in the mainstream need to be publicly denounced.

We need to actively advocate for acceptance and inclusion, even if it means alienating people who are uncomfortable with having their worldview challenged.

We need active acceptance and inclusion, not just passive awareness. We need active involvement by everyone, everywhere, not just slactivism by adding partial visibility with a click, or a smile, or a token birthday invitation. We need a community where admission is not only by a chromosome count, either way.

You don't have to love someone with 47 chromosomes to understand, you just have to be human.

There MUST be an organization that barks up and makes a terrifying stink every time someone in the media, in medicine, in legislation, in the public eye, anywhere in the world, gaffes. Be it the r-word or a homicide swept under the rug. There must be an organization that ensures that there are repercussions for marginalizing acts, for drawing on stereotypes, for exclusion, for dehumanization by language. There must be anger and outrage that leads to shifts in attitude and to organized action. Instead of intentions, we need to focus on consequences, on what is, not what was intended.

We need to stop accepting crumbs, in the fear that if we don't, we might not be 'liked'. 

Why, hello there REVOLUTION. You're needed now.

People with Down syndrome are not defective. Society is defective.

Yet. This is not about legislation, or about funding, or about research. This is about attitudes. This is about human rights.

And the question of who counts as human.

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The good kind of revolution (meaning we won't bite unless you give us a reason to)

I'm part of a revolution. I really am (with admin rights to a Facebook page and all that fancy stuff - my first ever. Hrm. Cough. Yeah. Both revolution and admin rights. I know, I'm cool like that).

The Down Syndrome Uprising.

It began here at a typical son, and is becoming something even more awesome here at the DSU Facebook page.

And here and here.

(In case you're wondering, I'm pointing to my heart and then to my head.)

DSU works towards the world (YOU! Now I'm pointing at you, we're doing a lot of that in our house at the moment, you know, pointing in general, not always at you though...) embracing people with Down syndrome, towards changing outdated and wrong perceptions of Down syndrome and what it means to have it, and towards putting information out there that is much, much closer to all of our individual realities of what it means to either be a parent to someone with Down syndrome or what it's actually like to have Down syndrome.

I know my reality is not your reality, but I also think that there's a lot out there that isn't anyone's reality, or was someone's reality a lifetime and longer ago. And that needs to change.

But what does this 'embracing' really mean? I've seen a lot of it lately. To some, disappointingly, embracing and being vocal about it, like starting a blog with lots of cute photos and many words that really cannot be said enough times, seems to mean that one hasn't accepted Down syndrome (No, seriously), to others it means putting someone on a pedestal built of Facebook likes and media attention who really just did what any decent human being should do, such as happened in the case of the Houston waiter who refused to wait on a family who didn't wish to eat in the vicinity of a family whose child had Ds (for reals), and to yet others it means glossing over the condition with such language and attitude that no one is left wondering just how big of a cross to bear a person with Down syndrome is to a family not "safe", but expecting a child with T21 as is evident from this segment on the Today Show (and they have a medical 'expert' who doesn't even use people first language. Geez).

For me this (pointing at the blog, not at the above paragraph though, and then pointing at someone's toes, but that's a whole other non-post) is embracing. What I'm doing right here. Not giving up on awareness and spreading it. Sometimes with pretty pictures, sometimes not, but with plenty of token (not) advocacy. I may not be so aware of my kid's Down syndrome, but other people sure are. Yesterday at the hospital, while sitting outside the lab holding Babe and minding our own rather spit-y patty-cake, we were made from across the waiting room. This time around the person who'd spotted Babe wanted to be near us and talk to us because she too had a kid who has Down syndrome and she needed some positive vibes for the open heart surgery her daughter is having as we speak (so yeah, let's send some. Right now), but there have been other times where someone has spotted Babe and instead of embracing her as a regular toddler, has either made allowances (She knows how to wave hello and good bye and she should do it at the end of Story Time when all the kids do it), or assumed that she has glasses because she has Down syndrome (yes, that makes you nearly blind now too), to give a few examples. I know that sometimes allowances need to be made, accommodations will happen, but they should come after the fact, not pre-emptively due to low or no expectations, and I realize that Babe's poor eyesight can be linked to her having Down syndrome, but the route the observer takes should be more complex, and perhaps allow for her having bad eyesight just because, like in the case of that other kid, who wears the same glasses that Babe does, +6 prescription and all, but doesn't have Down syndrome, and just has bad eyesight, just because.

So I guess I'd like my genes and parenting skills to be at least equally blamed for Babe's shortcomings as Down syndrome is, perhaps even more. You know, embracingly.

Because I am guilty.

So if you're out to do some embracing, join us, like our Facebook page, spread the word, and feel free to blame me, in all senses of the word. There can never be enough advocacy. Thanks.

Cute photo. Deal with it. There's plenty more coming.